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Writing Vows
Putting your promise to each other into words
Tying the knot can become extremely complicated, especially if you're planning a big ceremony. Lengthy to-do lists could make you feel as if you're attempting to untie the legendary Gordian knot while blindfolded. So why go to extra bother with writing your own wedding vows rather than reciting the old familiar ones? "Wedding vows are words said on a special day. Marriage vows represent the way you will live together," say Shonnie Lavender and Bruce Mulkey, authors of "I Do! I Do! The Marriage Vow Workbook" (lulu.com, $24.95). By any name, these vows should be more than just words recited during the ceremony. They represent a thoughtful, heartfelt commitment to your relationship and the way you intend to live as a couple, from that day forward. "Your vows are also about creating a vision of where you want your relationship to be five or 10 years from now," Mulkey says. Planning their own wedding, Lavender and Mulkey knew they wanted to write their vows. Later, when friends began asking for their help in writing vows for their ceremonies, they decided to write their marriage vows workbook. More than seven years after their marriage, Lavender and Mulkey treasure their vows even more than on the wedding day. Copies hang in their kitchen and bedroom, and can also be found on their Day Planners. Monthly the couple rereads the commitments they made, asking themselves, "Have I been living up to this?" Regular review of their vows also "reminds us why we love each other so much," says Lavender. In fact, "We really believe that the divorce rate would go down if couples spent as much time thinking about their vows as picking out invitations," Mulkey says. There's a trend toward personalizing weddings. Your wedding should reflect who the two of you are, as a couple. To accomplish that aim, some couples request contributions to favorite charities and causes instead of cappuccino makers and flatware. Others choose to write their own wedding vows to convey a sense of their relationship commitment. Those for whom this is a second wedding frequently decide to include members of their blended family when writing vows. Children from previous marriages, for example, might participate in stating how they will uphold the new union. How do you begin the process of writing vows? Given that the average wedding ceremony lasts only 15 minutes, limit your vows to the most essential elements. Leave out any extraneous jokes or innuendos. Start early. Don't wait until the last minute since your vows need to be thoughtful and long lasting. Devote some time to talking it over thoroughly with your partner, planning together for what you'll pledge to each other for a lifetime. "Not only will you come out with your vows, going through the process grounds your relationship," says Lavender. Consider incorporating lyrics to a favorite song or special words from a meaningful poem. Consult a thesaurus for ideas on alternative words for the overly familiar "love, honor and obey." When you have a first draft, try reading your vows aloud to check for repetition of ideas or phrases, or for awkward juxtapositions that could set up verbal stumbling blocks. Aim for language that's meaningful, clear and natural sounding. Finally, try to write not just for the wedding day but for 10 years into the future. Have a copy of your vows at the altar. Even a superb memory can falter when subjected to the wedding day jitters. Mulkey suggests giving a copy to the wedding officiant, who, if you like, can read the vows for the couple to repeat, as in a traditional ceremony. In her book, "Wedding Words: Vows" (Stewart, Tabori & Chang, $12.95), Jennifer Cegielski advises, "If you have written your own vows, or will be saying them in a foreign language, you might want to print them in the ceremony program for the benefit of guests." Other resources include: Web site for Lavender and Mulkey at www.marriagevowworkbook.com, or their blog at www.marriagevowworkbook.com/blog. In addition, www.brides.com and www.theknot.com provide helpful tips on writing wedding vows. © Copley News Service
Putting your promise to each other into words
Tying the knot can become extremely complicated, especially if you're planning a big ceremony. Lengthy to-do lists could make you feel as if you're attempting to untie the legendary Gordian knot while blindfolded. So why go to extra bother with writing your own wedding vows rather than reciting the old familiar ones? "Wedding vows are words said on a special day. Marriage vows represent the way you will live together," say Shonnie Lavender and Bruce Mulkey, authors of "I Do! I Do! The Marriage Vow Workbook" (lulu.com, $24.95). By any name, these vows should be more than just words recited during the ceremony. They represent a thoughtful, heartfelt commitment to your relationship and the way you intend to live as a couple, from that day forward. "Your vows are also about creating a vision of where you want your relationship to be five or 10 years from now," Mulkey says. Planning their own wedding, Lavender and Mulkey knew they wanted to write their vows. Later, when friends began asking for their help in writing vows for their ceremonies, they decided to write their marriage vows workbook. More than seven years after their marriage, Lavender and Mulkey treasure their vows even more than on the wedding day. Copies hang in their kitchen and bedroom, and can also be found on their Day Planners. Monthly the couple rereads the commitments they made, asking themselves, "Have I been living up to this?" Regular review of their vows also "reminds us why we love each other so much," says Lavender. In fact, "We really believe that the divorce rate would go down if couples spent as much time thinking about their vows as picking out invitations," Mulkey says. There's a trend toward personalizing weddings. Your wedding should reflect who the two of you are, as a couple. To accomplish that aim, some couples request contributions to favorite charities and causes instead of cappuccino makers and flatware. Others choose to write their own wedding vows to convey a sense of their relationship commitment. Those for whom this is a second wedding frequently decide to include members of their blended family when writing vows. Children from previous marriages, for example, might participate in stating how they will uphold the new union. How do you begin the process of writing vows? Given that the average wedding ceremony lasts only 15 minutes, limit your vows to the most essential elements. Leave out any extraneous jokes or innuendos. Start early. Don't wait until the last minute since your vows need to be thoughtful and long lasting. Devote some time to talking it over thoroughly with your partner, planning together for what you'll pledge to each other for a lifetime. "Not only will you come out with your vows, going through the process grounds your relationship," says Lavender. Consider incorporating lyrics to a favorite song or special words from a meaningful poem. Consult a thesaurus for ideas on alternative words for the overly familiar "love, honor and obey." When you have a first draft, try reading your vows aloud to check for repetition of ideas or phrases, or for awkward juxtapositions that could set up verbal stumbling blocks. Aim for language that's meaningful, clear and natural sounding. Finally, try to write not just for the wedding day but for 10 years into the future. Have a copy of your vows at the altar. Even a superb memory can falter when subjected to the wedding day jitters. Mulkey suggests giving a copy to the wedding officiant, who, if you like, can read the vows for the couple to repeat, as in a traditional ceremony. In her book, "Wedding Words: Vows" (Stewart, Tabori & Chang, $12.95), Jennifer Cegielski advises, "If you have written your own vows, or will be saying them in a foreign language, you might want to print them in the ceremony program for the benefit of guests." Other resources include: Web site for Lavender and Mulkey at www.marriagevowworkbook.com, or their blog at www.marriagevowworkbook.com/blog. In addition, www.brides.com and www.theknot.com provide helpful tips on writing wedding vows. © Copley News Service
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